Dear Fourth Graders,
I’m writing to you now because I’m afraid if I don’t, I’ll
forget everything I want to say and everything that I’m feeling.
I
care about all of you more than I can express.
You have saved me. You have helped me continue to live.
Without you, I wouldn’t want to get up in the morning.
Last year I lost my mom. April 28, 2012. It was the worst
day of my life. My fourth graders last year knew that. They were there for me.
And when I came back they had waited for me. For the rest of the year they
helped me compartmentalize, that is another way to say cope, a way to pretend
something isn’t true. A way to live your life as if everything is normal and
nothing has changed. That’s what they helped me with. I was a horrible teacher.
I had a short temper. I didn’t do anything right. But they were my first class
and I’ll never forget them for that. They forgave me my shortcomings. And I’ll
always keep the suitcase they gave me. I’ll carry that forever.
This year, though, is different. It isn’t about
compartmentalizing, I realized. It’s about transcending reality. It’s about
knowing it’s there, saying “that sucks”, and continuing on.
And you do that for me every day. I get out of bed in the
morning just to see you. Everything I do is to help you succeed. I want to give
you all the gifts I can think of. Thank you.
And I know I’ll lose you soon. It’s April 18th.
We only have a couple more months together. And I’m so scared. What will I do
without you?
Last year I kept saying, “It’ll be okay. They’ll be in the
same school.” But, it’s not okay. It’s not the same. I don't get to see them
every day anymore. They aren’t mine. I sometimes see Christian. He is the only
one who still hugs me. Sometimes Ilahn, Miske and Hodan. And Kierra will smile
at me in the hall. But that’s it. Everything we had last year is gone.
And now I have you. But not for long. And I don’t want to
say everything will be okay because I know it won’t.
This is the best class I’ve ever had. This is the best class
that will ever be. I will never have students who are so sweet, and hard
working, and kind, and caring, and empathetic, and in love with reading again. Oh,
and smart. And always capable of surprising me. And impressing me. And never
failing me. And doing their best all the time. And being such a good example. I
will never have that again. Ever.
I will miss you so much. And I wish I don’t have to say
goodbye in June. I would move up with you if I could. I would. And I’m so sorry
that I can’t.
I won’t ever forget you. Please don’t be a stranger. Please
come back. Keep writing RQCs. Tell me about the books you read. I’ll keep track
of every book you read if you want me to.
Don’t forget me either. I put so much of my heart into this
year that I hope you carry it with you forever.
At lease there is tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Ms. M
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