The End of an Era

The last day of school was a huge mess. I thought it ended at 12:30. It actually ended at 12.

So, in the middle of the end of the year slideshow, I see a parent outside the door. I invite her in and sit back down to finish the slideshow. She gives me a very confused look. She proceeds to tell me that school ended 15 minutes ago.

I cut off the slideshow, pass out the DVD that contains all of the pictures I took throughout the school year, and we all start practically running down the hall. We walk through the lobby amidst every single teacher that has already dismissed their students. There is only one bus left.

I get my students on the last bus, the rest are parent pick up. And by the time I turn around, they are gone. All of my students are gone forever.

I said goodbye to only about 5 of them in my panic to get them home.

I didn't get to read my goodbye letter. I didn't get to hug them. I didn't get to tell them I'll miss them. We didn't even finish our slideshow.

It was awful. I felt sick about such a terrible last day until yesterday when I finally tried letting it go.

I think they know how much I'll miss them. And I hope they know how much I love them.

This is the best group of students I will ever have. I've been told I'll say this every year. But this year I believe it. They are remarkable and smart and hardworking and caring. And I know they really respected me because classroom management was a breeze.

I will miss them so much.

Our Progress in Math

Our final MBA. We beat the district average by 13%.

The Post-It on the Back...

...has changed since I was in school.

A School Year in the Making.

I got these results and burst into tears of joy and pride. This is what my students have been working towards all year.

At the beginning of the year only 25% of my students were grade-level readers.

It's such a good feeling to know that 79% of my students are now grade-level readers.

Overall Achievement

Hard to read whilst upon the wall, but...

Improvement in Reading
Improvement in Writing
Improvement in Math
Improvement in Science
Overall Improvement

Reading Timelines

Not out of control.

A Deep Discussion about The Three Laws of Robotics

Whilst reading Fablehaven: The Rise of the Evening Star an interesting question came up. A golem named Hugo is under the complete command of his masters. That is until he begins to develop his own free will. This could become a problem for the protagonists as Hugo is massive and potentially lethal.

My question: If Hugo develops free will would you trust him enough to be around him or would you be scared of him?

I opened the floor for discussion.

It was interesting. The class was split right down the middle. Compelling arguments on both sides, evidence from the text abounding.

And then I said, "Have you ever heard of the Three Laws of Robotics?"

A hush fell over the room. Granted, our book is very much based in the fantasy realm, but I thought it applied. And from memory I summarized the following:

Isaac Asimov's "Three Laws of Robotics"

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

The kids listened, nodded, discussed. And as a class we came up with a theory: Hugo is under the command of the Three Laws.

We are currently waiting for more evidence to prove or disprove this theory. Can the Three Laws that govern the world of science fiction control creatures firmly rooted on fantasy?

We'll find out.

I love the fact that they look forward to read aloud. I love the fact that at least 5 people ask me if we are going to read Fablehaven every day. I love the fact that as soon as we circle up, my fourth graders transform into these deep thinking little creatures. They come up with the most fascinating comments and questions. They sometimes surprise me by coming up with something I didn't even think of. And I always suck in a little air, widen my eyes, and say, "that was genius!"

MSP: Day 2

The mood? Confident.

My "Lid" is Constantly Slipping Just a Little

This week has progressively gotten more difficult for me. The MSP is looming ever nearer and I don't feel like some of my kids are ready for Math. Especially Writing.

So, I've been beating myself up. Telling myself that I'm just not a good enough teacher. Telling myself that I'm letting kids fall through the cracks. Telling myself that it's too late to help them.

And as this tempest is raging inside me and I'm trying to appear calm on the surface, I realize its much more than the MSP.

I'm typically quite calm and patient. But my facade started cracking today.

And I realized why whilst sitting in my dark classroom attempting to pull myself together during lunch.

One year ago this week was the last week of my mom's life. One year ago today I took the day off to spend it sitting next to my mom's hospital bed wishing she could just wake up and talk to me, even for a second. One year ago tomorrow my mom was moved from the hospital to an assisted living home, because it was necessary for insurance purpose (Or unless she is actively dying, the Head Nurse told me indifferently). One year ago Saturday my mom quietly passed away in the early morning hours, all alone because I was at home sleeping.

And all of this, apparently, is affecting my ability to teach. Which is unfortunate because teaching is the one thing that has kept me sane. It is the one thing that makes me happy. It is the one thing I can do that makes the little knot of screams go still.

So, I sat my students down for a SCM (Spontaneous Class Meeting) and tried my hardest to explain all of this in a way that a fourth grader can understand.

I couldn't actually bring myself to say it so one of my students, whose sister was in my class last year, said it for me.

Then I apologized, my face reddening from the effort of holding it all in, and told them it wasn't their fault Ms. M seems a little stressed lately. "My lid is constantly slipping just a little, and it isn't because of you."

After more than one student empathized and shared about a loved one they have lost, I had to dismiss them back to their desks, as I couldn't keep it together any longer.

They very slowly stood up, as if afraid to startle me.

Six of my girls, tears in their eyes, converged on me with perfect synchronicity. And as my back was to a wall and I was sitting on the ground, they surrounded me in a perfect bubble. An umbrella, if you will. And like magic or alchemy my sadness and sorrow was lifted. Just for a second. But as they lifted away and moved to their desks the feeling fluttered away with them.

But, for a moment I remembered peace.

As I stood up trying to shake off the aftershocks of the moment I heard a quiet voice say, "None of the other boys cried except Guled." The student who said it stepped to the side and behind him stood my sweet Guled, giant eyes red and watery. Without a word he hugged me and we stood there quietly, the class in motion all around us. He told me that his dad died, too. He told me he was sorry. And quietly, ever so inaudibly, I whispered that I loved him.

Similes and Metaphors

Quote of the Day

"A good teacher is like a candle. It consumes itself to light the way for others."

-Unknown

Truest thing I've ever heard.

4.18.13

Dear Fourth Graders,

I’m writing to you now because I’m afraid if I don’t, I’ll forget everything I want to say and everything that I’m feeling.

I care about all of you more than I can express. You’ll never understand how much.

You have saved me. You have helped me continue to live. Without you, I wouldn’t want to get up in the morning.

Last year I lost my mom. April 28, 2012. It was the worst day of my life. My fourth graders last year knew that. They were there for me. And when I came back they had waited for me. For the rest of the year they helped me compartmentalize, that is another way to say cope, a way to pretend something isn’t true. A way to live your life as if everything is normal and nothing has changed. That’s what they helped me with. I was a horrible teacher. I had a short temper. I didn’t do anything right. But they were my first class and I’ll never forget them for that. They forgave me my shortcomings. And I’ll always keep the suitcase they gave me. I’ll carry that forever.

This year, though, is different. It isn’t about compartmentalizing, I realized. It’s about transcending reality. It’s about knowing it’s there, saying “that sucks”, and continuing on.

And you do that for me every day. I get out of bed in the morning just to see you. Everything I do is to help you succeed. I want to give you all the gifts I can think of. Thank you.

And I know I’ll lose you soon. It’s April 18^th. We only have a couple more months together. And I’m so scared. What will I do without you?

Last year I kept saying, “It’ll be okay. They’ll be in the same school.” But, it’s not okay. It’s not the same. I don't get to see them every day anymore. They aren’t mine. I sometimes see Christian. He is the only one who still hugs me. Sometimes Ilahn, Miske and Hodan. And Kierra will smile at me in the hall. But that’s it. Everything we had last year is gone.

And now I have you. But not for long. And I don’t want to say everything will be okay because I know it won’t.

This is the best class I’ve ever had. This is the best class that will ever be. I will never have students who are so sweet, and hard working, and kind, and caring, and empathetic, and in love with reading again. Oh, and smart. And always capable of surprising me. And impressing me. And never failing me. And doing their best all the time. And being such a good example. I will never have that again. Ever.

I will miss you so much. And I wish I don’t have to say goodbye in June. I would move up with you if I could. I would. And I’m so sorry that I can’t.

I won’t ever forget you. Please don’t be a stranger. Please come back. Keep writing RQCs. Tell me about the books you read. I’ll keep track of every book you read if you want me to.

Don’t forget me either. I put so much of my heart into this year that I hope you carry it with you forever.

At lease there is tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Ms. M

Math Workshop!

This has really worked for me for the last week or so. Students that move quickly can do so. I'm free to work with individuals and small groups. Every student knows what they are supposed to be doing so there is very little redirection.

For the final option I've been asking some of my students to come up with games as well.

I wonder if I could have done this at the beginning of the year or if it only works now because expectations are so deeply engrained.

Either way I'm going to continue doing this and next year try to move toward this more quickly. More chance for independent practice.

Farewell to Fablehaven

A party to say farewell to our read aloud.

Battle of the Books

Four of my students have been working hard for Battle of the Books since January. Each of them had to read 4 books, for a total of 16 books. During a Jeopardy-esque competition they had to answer comprehension questions, some of them higher order.

This year I did a much better job of supporting them. I got all of the books they couldn't find themselves, I went to the fourth grade face off as well as the Lakeridge final: fourth vs. fifth. It was very intense. I was completely stressed out. Butterflies in my stomach.

For the final battle, our whole class went to watch. They did a wonderful job. Very supportive. And they had to be completely silent. In order to cheer and show our support, we did the silent clap.

It was very close up him the very last few questions. But, the girls managed to pull ahead. They won by 1 point.

I was so proud I nearly started crying. It was a wonderful victory, especially against the fifth graders.

I'm so proud of them.

Now they are advancing to the district finals. April 4th it's all going down.

I actually believe they have a shot to win the entire Battle. Just imagine, the fourth graders from Lakeridge Elementary...district champions.

Excellent Advice

I dedicate this story to...

This is my first dedication. (As far as I know.)

Rookie Mistake

The report cards I was supposed to send home today.

1 Post It

...was not enough to contain the horror this student felt whilst reading. I was so proud.

The Kindness of Strangers

This morning I drove to Top Pot, resigned to drop an exorbitant amount of money on two dozen doughnuts. Why? Because I love my students and because they earned it.

I looked for the most normal, commonplace doughnut and, alas, found a fabulous looking glazed confection. I took a deep breath, and placed the order.

As the doughnut connoisseur began stuffing the massive pastries into a box I heard the quiet shuffle of feet behind me.

I commented, "Those are bigger than I thought they'd be."

The Top Pot woman asked, "Well, who are they for?"

"My students."

From behind me I heard, "Oh, what grade are they in?"

"Fourth."

"Where do you teach?"

"Lakeridge, just up the hill."

She nodded in acknowledgement and directed her next question to the Top Pot worker, "Do you take a credit card?"

"Yes, we do."

"Well, I'd like to pay for these doughnuts."

I tear up, stutter, refuse her offer, blubber, and then thank her for her kindness, but I couldn't possibly. And she wouldn't take no for an answer. All she did was thank me for teaching our future generation.

I walked away with two dozen warm doughnuts and an even warmer feeling in my heart.

Thank you, Vicky. I will never forget what you did for me and my students this day.

The kindness of strangers...

Kindness In Our Class

RQCs

This year, my students have really embraced writing RQCs (Reactions, Questions, Connections) as they read. Basically, they monitor and record their inner conversation.

Their reading journals are nearly bursting from all of their thinking.